There Is Nothing Trashy About Tattooed Women

I Went To See A Kid's Film And All I Got Was This Lousy Blog Post

I saw Martin Scorsese's film Hugo. It was a kid's film. It inspired my co-watcher, who loved it. I wanted to love it. It just didn't impact me. I couldn't suspend disbelief; for a film set in Paris, why was everyone speaking in a variety of British accents? And why is it that as long as you copy the colour scheme from Amelie you can safely pretend that your location is French? Bah.

The two good things about this film were the bookshop and its owner (who were shown all too briefly), and the variety of knits on display. They were the only things I couldn't stop looking at. Hugo's garter stitch jumper was lovely.

As was the wide garter stitch scarf below, which I think I will make one day. The humble garter stitch scarf may be the most easiest thing to knit, but it is a beautiful bit of texture to have on hand on a cold day. Especially in the colours here, even if they are poached from Amelie.

Okay, so I do also like the amount of references of early cinema this film had. It might just have been better in a documentary form rather than this film. It was all a little bit not quite right for my liking.

Classy Ways to Break Up With Someone

Three words: Big Band Swing. How classy would it be to get your former love into a music hall, jump up on stage wearing a glittery dress or coattails, surround yourself with tuxedo-ed musicians and chorus girls and sing a beautiful rendition of Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off? It’s a fairly universally acknowledged fact that you can’t be sad AND listening to show tunes. This way, at least they can tap their feet to the sound of their heart breaking.

Bring it full circle. Think of when you were first courting. Where did you go? What did you do? What crazy unique things happened that made you fall madly in love and then brought you to wanting to dump their sorry arse? Ahem. I mean, if you revisit all those early memories, maybe your break up will feel more like a chapter closing rather than an amputation. Closure is always so much more calming than taking a hack saw to your relationship.

Find a way to become James Dean. No one would ever deny that man anything. If you can find a way to morph into the aforementioned brooding young man with his tight white t-shirt, denim jacket and dangling cigarette, there is no way you can come off second best. Your freshly dumped ex would merely sigh and pity what vagabond future your bad boy ways will lead you to. You will become the immortal one-that-got-away, but in a good way.

Say it with diamonds. People make the mistake of thinking that a massive rock is only welcome during a proposal. Try getting down on one knee, tiny box in hand and saying; ‘Will you be my ex?’ It will go down a treat, trust me. Who would care about a failing, mediocre relationship after getting wrist strain from wearing a 24-carat behemoth? But a few.

Mutually. This is the classiest way to break up with someone ever in the history of the universe. You both want it, so there are no hard feelings. What could be sweeter? So beautiful and so rare. Take your cue from Joey and Rachel in Friends. Just try and avoid the slaps.

The Gosla-thon Part 3: The Ides Of March

I hope I wasn’t the only one who didn’t understand the title of this film before the enlightenment of a Google search. According to a number of sources reliable and less than reliable, ‘ides’ is derived from a Latin word which means ‘halfway’; thus the ides of March means roughly the 15^th of March (give or take a day or too, depending on the lunar cycle). Now besides being the birthday of such varied musicians as Eduard Strauss, Ry Cooder and Will.i.am, the Ides of March was also the date on which Caesar was assassinated. In Shakespeare’s play, Caesar is warned by a prophet to ‘beware the ides of March’.

Cultural history lesson over. The film is set in Ohio during the Democratic Party’s presidential primaries. Ryan Gosling plays Stephen, a junior campaign manager under his boss Paul (Phillip Seymour Hoffman) and nominee Mike Morris (George Clooney). He plays an idealistic young man who sees politics as a way to change people’s lives for the better. However, he soon learns how dirty the fight for political survival is.

The Ides of March is a quiet little corker of a film. Within the limit of its plot, it manages to draw out a Shakespearean tragedy that would give Macbeth déjà vu. The script is tight and the story line is deftly woven. It is good to see a Hollywood film that doesn’t try and fall back on melodrama, especially with the kind of subject matter IOM deals with. That would be an easy trap to fall into, but IOM maintains its dignity and narrative integrity absolutely.

It was sad to see how cold and hard people can become because of their experiences. It is especially saddening to see disillusionment creep in upon idealism. While idealism may ultimately be naive and innocent, it is still sad to see it wither. The scenes I found most potently illustrative of this were the interactions between Marisa Tomei’s character Ida the journalist and Stephen.

You couldn’t really go wrong with the actors they had in this film anyway. Indie heavyweights were aplenty; Marisa Tomei (underused and underrated- give the woman a lead!), Phillip Seymour Hoffman (he must be good with three names), Paul Giamatti (the dude is in everything) and Evan Rachel Wood (dated Marilyn Manson. Enough said.) all gave fantastic performances. Like anyone was surprised by that.

And then there was Ryan. The man behind the Gosla-thon. He gave a solid performance throughout, and was especially brilliant at the cold hard politician bit. I’m so glad he has range besides taking off his shirt a lot. But that range is good too. More of that next film please, Mr Gosling sir.

The Ides Of March is a delicious morsel. There are shots of pure brilliance, which is a nice surprise from fourth time director George Clooney. This is without a doubt a film to watch and think about.

Really Stupid Perfume Ads

Perfume ads really suck. You know the drill; supermodels with closed eyes and half open mouths, breathy noises, sexually suggestive imagery and stupid special effects. I’m sure it’s incredibly difficult trying to sell a smell through a medium that doesn’t, but really? This is the best all those moneyed creative heads can come up with?

There seems to be an unwritten rule that when making a perfume ad you must reference Marilyn Monroe in some way. Her infamous quote about only wearing Chanel No. 5 to bed has stuck in the minds of every fashion house’s perfume department right across the globe. They are like a dog with a bone; just won’t let it go. Charlize Theron has done it; Christina Aguilera has done it; Jennifer Lopez has done it; Scarlett Johansson has done it.

I guess ultimately they are trying to sell a concept of a lifestyle or a personality which they think is related to the perfume. Here is a short and uncomprehensive list of some of the more ridiculous perfume ads I’ve seen.

Thierry Mugler Angel: Gorgeous Eva Mendes catches a bullet train, opens her mouth a lot and closes her eyes. Apparently this perfume is somewhat of a hallucinogen; it allows Mendes to fly and imagine she can carry stars in her pocket.

Prada Candy: The promotion for this ad would have you believe that this is a classy perfume. Even when Lea Seydoux keeps flashing her pink granny knickers? There is, of course, the customary reference to the delectable Ms Monroe; the song Seydoux mouths is Running Wild from Marilyn’s 1959 film Some Like It Hot, when she says dripping with innuendo; ‘I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop’. I have a feeling that Prada Candy would smell somewhat like that.

Armani Code: There is nothing particularly offensive about this ad. It is just boring. Lots of people dressed in black wandering around aimlessly in a fancy apartment. It is all fairly pointless and not very captivating. And why is Megan Fox wearing a wig? Sweaty black plastic is not mysterious or enticing.

Britney Spears Fantasy: This one is narrated much like a fairy tale. I find it all corny and sleazy. It also begs the question as to who really wants to smell like Britney Spears? That would entail notes of fried chicken, crack den and dodgy tattoo parlour sweat. No thanks.

J'adore Dior: What is the best and quickest way to associate a perfume with the classics? Special effecting in Marlene Dietrich, Grace Kelly and Marilyn Monroe will do it. Of every cheap and nasty stunt that comes out of the world of Hollywood, this is one of the crassest. I’m sure they couldn’t have made it without the permission of whoever owns the likenesses of those actresses these days, but even so it feels dirty. Resurrecting the dead for a perfume ad? Flagpole the downfall of society there please; I’m sure the Mayan Apocalypse mentioned this kind of thing somewhere.

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