Perfume ads really suck. You know the drill; supermodels with closed eyes and half open mouths, breathy noises, sexually suggestive imagery and stupid special effects. I’m sure it’s incredibly difficult trying to sell a smell through a medium that doesn’t, but really? This is the best all those moneyed creative heads can come up with?
There seems to be an unwritten rule that when making a perfume ad you must reference Marilyn Monroe in some way. Her infamous quote about only wearing Chanel No. 5 to bed has stuck in the minds of every fashion house’s perfume department right across the globe. They are like a dog with a bone; just won’t let it go. Charlize Theron has done it; Christina Aguilera has done it; Jennifer Lopez has done it; Scarlett Johansson has done it.
I guess ultimately they are trying to sell a concept of a lifestyle or a personality which they think is related to the perfume. Here is a short and uncomprehensive list of some of the more ridiculous perfume ads I’ve seen.
Thierry Mugler Angel: Gorgeous Eva Mendes catches a bullet train, opens her mouth a lot and closes her eyes. Apparently this perfume is somewhat of a hallucinogen; it allows Mendes to fly and imagine she can carry stars in her pocket.
Prada Candy: The promotion for this ad would have you believe that this is a classy perfume. Even when Lea Seydoux keeps flashing her pink granny knickers? There is, of course, the customary reference to the delectable Ms Monroe; the song Seydoux mouths is Running Wild from Marilyn’s 1959 film Some Like It Hot, when she says dripping with innuendo; ‘I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop’. I have a feeling that Prada Candy would smell somewhat like that.
Armani Code: There is nothing particularly offensive about this ad. It is just boring. Lots of people dressed in black wandering around aimlessly in a fancy apartment. It is all fairly pointless and not very captivating. And why is Megan Fox wearing a wig? Sweaty black plastic is not mysterious or enticing.
Britney Spears Fantasy: This one is narrated much like a fairy tale. I find it all corny and sleazy. It also begs the question as to who really wants to smell like Britney Spears? That would entail notes of fried chicken, crack den and dodgy tattoo parlour sweat. No thanks.
J'adore Dior: What is the best and quickest way to associate a perfume with the classics? Special effecting in Marlene Dietrich, Grace Kelly and Marilyn Monroe will do it. Of every cheap and nasty stunt that comes out of the world of Hollywood, this is one of the crassest. I’m sure they couldn’t have made it without the permission of whoever owns the likenesses of those actresses these days, but even so it feels dirty. Resurrecting the dead for a perfume ad? Flagpole the downfall of society there please; I’m sure the Mayan Apocalypse mentioned this kind of thing somewhere.
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