Is Bryan Cranston The New Black?

In a word, yes. Yes He Is.

Despite the fact that his name makes him sound like a Sales Rep with a bad haircut from The Office, Bryan Cranston is the actor to which all other actors should aspire. The dude has range.

As the inept, eccentric yet lovable father Hal on Malcolm In The Middle, Cranston gave us a TV parent up there with the most memorable among them.

Like so many other TV sitcom actors, he could have faded away into bit-parts for really bad cereal ads that re-hash versions of Hal. But he didn’t! He had really good bit-parts in some other really funny things like How I Met Your Mother and the most awesome Little Miss Sunshine.

And then along came Breaking Bad.

What to say. Walter White. Best Science Teacher Ever.

From nerdy chemistry teacher to prime drug producer, from slightly quirky viewing to dark, disturbing and seriously addictive TV (no pun intended).

Oh, and who could ever forget Drive. An awesome film regardless, but Cranston just proved how incredibly versatile he is, how well he carries bad faded tatts and how he can make a side character into the most innocent and the most mourned individual throughout the whole film. God damn it if I didn’t want Shannon to be able to retire on a ranch with a wraparound porch and not have a care in the world.

Is it wrong to want Bryan Cranston’s babies just a little bit?

List Of Potentially Bad Things About Lists

1. How anal it makes you look to others

The thing about OCD is that it’s hilariously funny. We are taught this through pop culture gems such as Jack Nicholson’s film As Good As It Gets and the Tony Shalhoub TV series Monk. It is fun to see others in the firing line as idiosyncrasies are aired, and it is also evidently a valuable asset to have at a crime scene, that incredible attention to detail. Unfortunately in real life being that anal is not actually such an ice-breaker. Lists will make you freakishly organised; they will also, however, just make you a freak.

2. The anxiety it produces

There is something calming about finishing writing a to-do list. There is subsequently something incredibly anxiety-inducing about actually having to follow through and complete all the to-dos on time. Perhaps if to-do lists weren’t written there would certainly be an unorganised kind of anxiety; but the specificity and finality of a list only sharpens the edge of it through your hyper-organisation. Just imagine how the villagers felt upon receiving the Ten Commandments; great that they’ve finally sorted that whole Sin-thing out, but holy crap if we don’t have to watch our backs now.

3. Its inherent exclusivity

It’s like Santa’s Nice list- you’re either on it or you’re not. There are no shades of grey with list-making, just like George W. Bush’s foreign policy. You’re either with us or against us; list-approved or list-denied. It’s more cutthroat than Blackbeard, more high stakes and low blows than Wall Street. In other words, the metaphors and similes will just keep rolling on in regards to how exclusive lists can be.

4. The infinite potentiality

Every good list-maker faces this philosophical muddle; Can A List Ever Really Be Complete? Well, yes of course, for example if you have to list all the letters of the alphabet. But pedantry aside, there are some lists that Will Never Feel Complete and truly never will be complete, and the Bowie-of-tight-tights-Labyrinth-fame it opens will remain limitless, stretching into infinity, A Bottomless List.

5. Once used, they're useless

When all the boxes have been ticked off with a satisfying contrasting pen colour, there is nothing left for the once faithful list. It has served its purpose and is now useless. It is set adrift on the organisational tide, another bit of waste paper for the environment to reclaim. Lists will remain as official detritus of a more carefree time, hidden away in the retirement homes of paperwork, remarking on how things were different in its day, waiting for its grandchildren to visit.

6. Lack of narrative flow

There is no space for elaboration on a list. No deviation or tangential comments are allowed, and the resulting pictures they paint of our world are stifled and linear. There is no chance for experimentation with verse or an unusual plot structure with lists. They remain steadfast and unshakable in their conservative outlooks on narrative. It is a cold, cold soul in the midst of every list.

7. Not a high-tech organisational option

In this day and age of iPads and eBooks, virtual relationships and web-based content, the humble list is much like a relic from the olden days. The numbered scribbling down a tiny square of yellow Post-It note paper is so simple and archaic, so beautiful and yet so outdated. What place do lists have now that there are phones that can talk to you in order to organise your life, gently break up with your latest partner, and visit your Grandma on Sundays?

8. Oversimplification of issues

The good old Pros-and-Cons list is a very handy way to sort out opposing sides of an issue. That is providing that the issue is relatively small, such as which film to see in the cinema, or what cake to bake for your birthday. When it comes to much more important issues lists fall remarkably short. Let’s face it; if a Pros-and-Cons list was enough, the Israel-Palestine conflict would have ended before it began.

9. The appalling list offshoots

We’ve all been there. Primary school classes, the introduction to us of the ‘brainstorm map’ or the ‘flow chart’. This is how we sort out our thoughts, children, with a ridiculously spidery path of shoddy arrows that end in lumpy bubbles. Were my thoughts ever sorted out? No, they were just made infantile when I’m fairly confident that true brainstorms are like a well-timed attack by Voldemort; mad, bad, bloody and scary enough to make you Expelli- your –Armus all over your pants.

Tuneful Tuesday: 90s Rock

Up first is the debut release from Newcastle lads Silverchair. They took their name from The Chronicles Of Narnia and superstardom ensued.

Oh, Billy Corgan. Quite such a nasal, pasty faced sex symbol the world has not seen since. Such a pity that he raged against Courtney Love on Twitter and is now dating a former Australian pop singer. Another example of why 90s musicians should have all died quietly in the 90s. Dear Billy, I love you still.

The lyrics to Live's 1994 single are certainly strange. But what a song, what a beautiful damn song.

I remember hearing this song on the radio and having no idea what Glycerine was. I thought they were making up words, which appealed to my view of the world. And Gavin Rossdale's gravel-filled voice and baby face. Pure gold.

The Foo! The Foo! Perhaps you haven't aged as gracefully as I would've liked, but there is nothing quite like pretending to be Dave Grohl in all his wonderous avatars.

On Wanky Blog Posts That Begin With ‘On...’ And Then List An Abstract Noun Such As ‘Beauty’ or ‘Truth’. This Blog Post Is 'On That Type Of Shit'

I guess you’ve spotted that meta-narrative already. This post is needed because I looked at the list of blogs I subscribe to and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I was looking into the future. And it was so incredibly ugly.

The vast majority of the craft-type blogs I read come from a similar demographic; middle aged, middle class women who often like cats, are multi-craftual (holy fuck, I’m even using their language), are academics or studying to be academicians (or are in related professional fields), are concerned about their impact on the environment (i.e.- whether they eat organic, or have wool from sustainable farms, or are contributing to rabid capitalism through their fabric purchases) and about proper forms of netiquette.

I’m middle class. I like cats. I’m dual craftual. I went to university. I’m so very, very scared. Am I looking into the deep dark future? Will I end up like these women, pretending so very hard to be edgy and cool with their layered bobs and their quirkily named pets? Boasting about their skills in a very modest way? Writing lengthy, aimless blog posts with no real argument and sans conclusion about ‘issues that they feel strongly about but that don’t get addressed in the mainstream’? Gushing about the community of craftspeople out there?

Oh, spew. I need to balance that shit out. Time this blog got more balls.

Truly Up Knit Creek

My computer is up knit creek, my knitting is up knit creek, my sewing machine is up knit creek.

However, I have a series of new red exercise books, a cute curly-haired waiter and poached eggs for breakfast tomorrow. Every cloud has a silver lining.

Will be up and running soon, hopefully.