On Wanky Blog Posts That Begin With ‘On...’ And Then List An Abstract Noun Such As ‘Beauty’ or ‘Truth’. This Blog Post Is 'On That Type Of Shit'

I guess you’ve spotted that meta-narrative already. This post is needed because I looked at the list of blogs I subscribe to and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I was looking into the future. And it was so incredibly ugly.

The vast majority of the craft-type blogs I read come from a similar demographic; middle aged, middle class women who often like cats, are multi-craftual (holy fuck, I’m even using their language), are academics or studying to be academicians (or are in related professional fields), are concerned about their impact on the environment (i.e.- whether they eat organic, or have wool from sustainable farms, or are contributing to rabid capitalism through their fabric purchases) and about proper forms of netiquette.

I’m middle class. I like cats. I’m dual craftual. I went to university. I’m so very, very scared. Am I looking into the deep dark future? Will I end up like these women, pretending so very hard to be edgy and cool with their layered bobs and their quirkily named pets? Boasting about their skills in a very modest way? Writing lengthy, aimless blog posts with no real argument and sans conclusion about ‘issues that they feel strongly about but that don’t get addressed in the mainstream’? Gushing about the community of craftspeople out there?

Oh, spew. I need to balance that shit out. Time this blog got more balls.

Gauge Rage

Oh knitting incompetence! How I loathe thee! Looking up patterns on Ravelry requires more skill than I have. I thought if I just clicked that little search button that said ‘4 ply’ I would be sorted. But using 4mm needles for 4 ply wool? What madness is this?!

Gauge is a thing I struggle with. Mostly I assume it will turn out roughly alright, so I never do it. In my defence, thus far I’ve only ever knitted hats, scarves or cowls, none of which really need to be strict with gauge. The hats have all turned out well though. This must be dumb luck, because it’s certainly not by design. We shall not mention the miscounted stitches of the Star Crossed Beret. It fit though, despite the star on top looking like a dead spider. Ahem.

So this time, for some wacky reason, I decided to try out this funny ‘gauge’ thingy. The needles are clearly the wrong size for the wool. It looks terribly overstretched. So either the ply quoted is wrong or the needle size is wrong. 4 ply is a standard, right? It can’t get thinner or thicker surely.

Notice how slickly I slime out of blaming myself though. This reminds me of a story my grandmother told. When she was a girl, she hated piano lessons with a passion. One day her mother was trying to get her to practice, but she burst out, ‘I can’t practice, the music is written wrong!’ Her mother decided then that if classical composers couldn’t write music properly, then maybe she should stop playing the piano.

Similarly, if accomplished knitting designers can’t write patterns properly, maybe I should give up knitting! (Stubbornness is clearly a family trait.)

Cat picture included for illustration of rage only. He was pissed off. So am I. Grrrrr! Gauge rage!